So after watching a 7.5 play then coming home to wrap myself up in quilt and listen to coldplay.... I have become very self-reflective.
At first I thought about my life in general: I have very little direction. I know what I want, I know what I'm aiming for and I know what I'll become and they are all very different things. I'm afraid the life I wont will not provide the life I want to live, so I'm aiming for something that will, but piss my life away so badly that I'll probably lose all of it.
I know, all things considered, that Brisbane isn't the place for me. I just don't know whether I can give up what is here and move interstate (ie. Melbourne). I fluctuate with my feelings on this subject, but I do have some amazing friends and will find it very hard to leave them (we may stay in touch, but it wont EVER be the same). I think it would be quite difficult to pick up a new life...
Then there's my romantic life... or lack there of. I'm not too sure of what it could be: fear of rejection, self-loathing, hidden homosexuality or a combination... but I've been pretty lonely in this facet of my life. Certainly more lonely than I could have been (given the opportunities that have presented themselves). I attribute this partly to things in my past, but I second-guess myself with questions of it being an excuse...
Anyway, it's late and I'm tired...
PS. Gatz is an absolutly incredible piece of work and if it ever comes back I strongly recommend you go see it. In the mean time, go read the book (The Great Gatsby).
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